Sunday, March 31, 2013

Before March Ends...

Let me write before March ends. It's always been a long time since my last post... So far, I've been through the 1st semester in uni. And now, I'm on my 2nd semester, owning 50 credits (and hell yeah it's still far from 148 credits to be graduated). I know studying Accounting is... Tiring and boring, because it's basically just a tool for finance. But in fact, accounting is the only major in this country which has the highest employment rate.

I like Economics and have interest in Finance, but unfortunately.. I entered the wrong uni. That's the point. I shouldn't been there. Really. The decision I made to be enrolled there was a spontaneous one. I decided in a rush. Up till now, I feel like I am lost in a maze, trying to figure out who am I and still find the way out.

Since I was young, studying abroad has always been my dream. I know there will be no chance for me to get any scholarships at that time... And I don't wanna be a burden to my dad, so yeah.. I chose to be here. I try to survive everyday *sigh*, go to that uni 6x24 hrs a week, studying my-ass-off to get the best GPA and get the 50% free college tuition... The exactly same pattern as what I did when I was in senior high. Dad is the only motivation why I did this. I want to make him happy and proud of me. But, how?

I am not a talented person. Like, I don't have any special talents, really. Well.. except my persistence and I am a diligent person when it comes to academic stuff. I am not a kind of organization-man. I am not really good at public speaking. It's kind of hard for me to socialise with new person. My hard skills is not well-balanced with my soft skills. And that's another main problem this year. I have to be keen on soft skills.

Plus... I don't have someone to rely on. No one supports me when I need it the most. No one cares to my existence. All I have to do now is .. Supporting myself throughout this 3,5-hellish-year.. You know, self-supporting is like tickling yourself. It's not even ticklish. And also for my little business, I am kinda give up on it. No one gives a single attention. But I have to be STRONG. This too shall pass. Dad is gonna be retired in 7-8 years from now. That means I have to graduate as soon as possible (hopefully in 3,5 years) and get a proper job to feed myself.

In this adversity, I always wondering.. Will this "wrong path" lead me to the "right place"? Tons of difficulties make me crying inside. I might look okay from outside, but I'm fragile and ready to be broken inside. My-itsumo-prayer is always been: "God, please give me strength to overcome this problems." Prayer is simply the easiest way to comfort yourself.

The future is still a mystery.  To see a rainbow, you have to experience both sun and rain. There's plenty of dreams that haven't fulfilled. But there's still hope :)) Let's just wait and see....